I dunno how things turns out to be... just somehow her grief makes me feel a lil useless, annoyed and upset. i do not noe ways to convince her and to console her anymore. after yesterday, i do not knw why i started to act very coldly no matter to her or to other ppl...
i hate wen i have this feelings... i just dun feel like doing anything... why? when a kid falls they know how to advice us to stand back up tall and walk? but why wen thy fall its like the end of the world? why cant they act the way they talk? everything has alot of ways out.... i just dun understand... really dun understand... or perhaps i refuse to? i rather to stay clean like a child...
u kept saying i am cold, i guess tht is the way i protect myself by getting hurt again..
for the first few months, things can get pretty messed up as she was there.. all i can do is just sit in the corner waiting for ur call... at that moment if time, i felt like as if i was the third party... wen in the case you all have been separated for a year. that feeling i can never imagine i wen thru it. i remembered every night i was crying thinking if i should just forget about everything... indeed, as wert u told me, everything is much better now. but there are still times wen i felt insecure.
now, things happened again, i ever guessed that its causes from"green". how can u be defeated that easily? and there u hurted me again yesterday left me feeling useless and helpless... which u makes me felt completely hopeless.. no one can advise u to stand up strong if its not from urself. i cant guide u if u dun listen and accept it. however, no matter wert i ca only be thr to stand by u wen u fall to help u to stand back up.. but if u dun give me ur hand, how am i to help?
think about it......
