Feeling down and falling into deep depths of well.

I woke up today feeling blue. I wish myself r a lil more happy then yesterday. but seems like I am nt. I felt my heart pounding fast and yet slow at the same time. I got a heart burn. My back pain as if thr r needles poking thru it. So i decided to tk a break from work today.

Went over to pyramid, saw Irene. however in the fact, my mind is thinking about yuki all the time. I was happy enuf wen she msged me. Looking at Irene, i felt my life hav been wasted. I waited a year and plus and yet we remain as stranger at times. I feel down again. I dint knw y i dun wan2 walk and say hi to her. Terter ask me Y dun i go over and say HI. I wish to but my heart stop me from doing it. It hurts me everytime wen I see her. But i have to face the fact tht I love her and this person exist. eventhough i am letting her go slowly but things and memories about her hunts me down. I saw her smiling so happily, but it was never for me. I turn and look the other way. God knws how mush I am almost breaking into tears.

Wanted to go hospital, but dint manage to go. Oh bother! I wish I am dead. I strive so hard but yet I am a failure. So y bother to be heal.

Wen to AC wif jez,sammi,knompy and terter I dint expect Xin coming. I did a mistake, I shouldnt have told her. Yeah, maybe the fact tht the way she thinks and I think is diff. But then I cant deny the fact tht xin is a fren of mine too. And nw she is angry, Cass~ Cass wen only will u gonna tell her. you wanted her. want her to be happy? wan her day and night? listen to her voice, listen to her laughter. but it all doesnt matters, cos she aint feeling tht ways towards u.

Is she even feeling the same for u as u feel for her.. y izzit hard for u to say the words " will u be mine?" I knw I am afraid. I cant afford to loose this gal even as a fren. but if one day, if this gal no longer exist in my mind, I only wanted to wish her " Happy Valentine" cos she remain a very special place, here in my heart. And I hope, everyday is a Valentine as this is the day where u would show extra loves, appreciations and cares. Cos no matter if u r wif her, I wish u both happy always. And yes, I love u. but I cant afford to loose. So let me end this feelings of wert I felt before its too late.

signing off,
Enigma.