lolololo

I am M-A-R-R-I-E-D~~~

I remember, it was on the 1st of March 2008 when I meet him. He wasnt the one that I wanted and had in my mind. Its was his brother. I came to think to myself, "ahh, I should just wait for the chance. Since they are under one roof, am sure I will have my chance to learn about the other one."

He wasnt nice and I am not comfortable when I face him. He is terrible, horrible, lame, hard to pleased and any negative words you can find to describe. After a few weeks facing him, it came to my thought, "I am just no good. I seriously have no interest in him. Get him off my life."

I told someone that we are just not working out. She tells me to take my time to know him. He can be very easy to deal with and to finish off. I was thinking " Its easy for you to say, you know him for years" I starts to run away from him. Whenever, I need to face him, I make an excuse not to deal him. I hated him as if I hated hell. After months making excuses, I finally was called to partner up with him by everyone in the office. They are busy with some other cases and projects.

I was again being forced to face him. 12 hours every day. I was frustrated and depressed. I was being placed alone with him in a small room. I cried myself to work with him almost everyday. I hated him. why can they see it? Why are they forcing me to do so?

A day passed a day, I dint quite notice how close I started to get with him. I starts to learn about him. I do not cry myself to work anymore. Indeed I was happy. He is not as bad as I thought he is. I think I starts to like him. Seniors praise that how well I work with him and from there I grow my confidence and there I forget about his brother and starts liking him.

1st march 2010, I had a big decision to make, I am leaving him. Yes, after all this 2 years of hatred into love. We are not going anywhere and we do not work it out well as I thought we would be. I know i will never find "someone" like him. Will never be able to, and that is why I decided to leave him for good with no turning back.

After a year of leaving, yes, I still love him a lot. He came back to me. I guess that's what I can say now is, I am married. Yes, I AM after all the ups and downs we when thru together.He make me realise, even thou i left him, my heart and mind stills thinks of him and wants him to be with me.

So, I decided to marry him..

I am married to....."final cut pro"He is my love and my life. He is what that makes me who I am today, AN EDITOR.

F O R E V E R has their limit of times too

June is always a month i dislike the most. Despite knowing that the year have gone half way and there is another half more to go. Its also a month where breakup's often happens.

Yesterday I was chatting with a friend of mine ( mie mie) and was shock to find out that she is in the cold war with (jess) I know their problems. They are well known for each other temper. They started to be together since 2 years plus ago. We were shock in the 1st place when we learn they are together. we are assuming that this both hot temper, well not hot.. i think BAD temper is a well word to describe on how their temper is.

their arguments always ended up with door and wall bashing. U have my words for real. They leave prove. A HOLE on THE DOOR. Things change when one of them decided to give and take. so it ended up that M is always the one losing temper. Despite no matter what they r still together for 2 years plus. I jusrt hope their relationship can be save or least end it in a good way...

The story of today happens on my friend (SHIN)'s bithday. When (Janet) asked for a break up on her birthday eve. I get to know this after coming back from celebrating her birthday. I was shock again, to know they are not together from FACEBOOK. No wonder they are acting really weird when i arrive in Neway KTV. I thought they are just arguing. C'mon after a 4 years? Its just sad to see how they are apart. I hope there will be a turning point for them.. IF NOT, well, least they are happy and being a friend in need for each other.

I just cant believe the two lovely couples is now in this situation. I cant believe it when they are always those sweet lovely dovey in front of my eyes and now they are having walls in between them.. I guess i should have known that FOREVER has their limit of time too, eh?

KINDERGARDEN

LALALALA~~~~

LAUNCHING NEW BLOG

http://kidswithdemand.blogspot.com/

ITS ALL ABOUT FOOOOOODDDDDD!!!

unmailed letter

there is alot of things i just wanna make a lil jot here.. but as soon as my finger gets to the keyboard, i do not know where to start...

I am going off to New Zealandthis august 31st... we r planning on transit our plane in melbourne... i dunno why i just couldnt wait for it....

i M now very blank.. 3i dunno know wert to state anymore... i just wanna get my farking nap

letter for my insomnia

its six am right now... and i am still freaking awake!!! did alot of thinking again this few days... 4 more months to go... its our 1st year anniversary.. i m thinking on wert to get for daddy... i cant afford a holiday right now... which somehow i am letting her go for a holiday "alone"... she is going gold coast this 5th of august... how nice is tht??!!!!

we have been thru 8 months... and this is the first time i am never bored of it... its like we only got to know each other last week... lolx... that type of feeling.. even sometimes wen she kissed me right now i felt shocked... its like hundreds watts pass thru from her lips to mine... how chessy is tht?

next week starting they are gonna film a few of short movie themselves.... pooi sin finally got her wish granted... she will be directing and filming her abadone story. after 3 years of delaying.. finally... i do hope everything will be a success... least that is wert i can do to support her morally and mentally.... let her wish come true before we leave...

RANDOMIZE CRAPS

I have just came over to my friend's blog (evon lai) her blog about MCD vs KFC. haha.. I agreed fully. KFC nowsaday their chicken is really bad... their chicken got a type of smell and meat is dry... however, MCD is not that nice as well.... BUT!!!!! i cannot deny MCD fried CHICKEN in SINGAPORE.... yummy~ golden fried with aroma.. its finger licking good.... aiks, isnt that tagline from KFC? lolx

last few days i have been thinking alot... i got paranoid, scare and nervous... am i ready to take on the road wif u? how long is long? a year? 2 years? 3? or decades? but den i have gave it a thought. who can bear my temper if its not u? who will tuck me up to bed at night, seal me wif a gentle kiss. if its not u?

Dy,
lately there is alot of things happen. i know u have urs as well... but then i hope u understand I am not that mature enough to deal wif it. there r times wen i can stand tall and strong... but thr will be certain issue i am weak... forgive me for throwing temper at u.... despite of all the odds, I m ready. to face it wif u. I cant wait to start our life in new zealand... new adventure... which i know we will be coming back to msia after u done earning.. but still I am happy to be ur little wifey... cook for u, and provide comfort wen u need one. although, u know I wont be doing washing... hahaha which u know I am too precious to do thAT.

my abandon closet.....

Its been a long long time since i last updated my blog. Alot of things happened recently. Good and bad.

Well, first of all I quit from MS POST and gonna continue my study real soon on the 7th of June. Hahaha i know, quitting 2 months earlier is really a bad bad choice. However, I manage to divide my time to sleep.. Hell yea, ever since I work there I always have been sleepless, now its my time to patch it back..

I started back to work for gloria jeans coffee on the 2nd of april and den quit after four days of working. hahaha.... Pooi Sin got a lil insecure when she learn Irene came over quite daily. However, I am okay wif it as me myself dun feel the enviroment anymore. Manage to make Pooi Sin dream a reality before I quit, and that is to brew a cup of my favourite coffee for her. Althougt Meow got to drink the very first cup of my hot latte and u got up to be the second. That doesnt mean I love U less then Meow... Hahahaha....

And yup, here I am... Shaking legs at home... JOBLESS~ *laugh out loud* Cant believe this is happening to me. Just got myself a new laptop... MSI taiwan brand... the graphic card is superb!!! and it only cost me.. 1.7k... not bad of a price eh? got it from PC fair.

Days were getting lesser, my new zealand visa? "APPROVED"!!!!! which means I am leaving to New Z on the end of August.. probably before 30th... Man, I am excited, happy however a lil confuse and sad.... I mean leaving Malaysia is okay. Leaving home is not a problem... but then leaving the FOOD?MOM, SIS and MY DOG!!!!!??? tht is a big problem.. and of cos not to forget my dearest frens...

Angeline... I think I am gonna miss u much.. So I have planned before going to New Z, I am coming back for a visit..


Wait for ME~~

beneath dark shades.....

I dunno how things turns out to be... just somehow her grief makes me feel a lil useless, annoyed and upset. i do not noe ways to convince her and to console her anymore. after yesterday, i do not knw why i started to act very coldly no matter to her or to other ppl...

i hate wen i have this feelings... i just dun feel like doing anything... why? when a kid falls they know how to advice us to stand back up tall and walk? but why wen thy fall its like the end of the world? why cant they act the way they talk? everything has alot of ways out.... i just dun understand... really dun understand... or perhaps i refuse to? i rather to stay clean like a child...

u kept saying i am cold, i guess tht is the way i protect myself by getting hurt again..

for the first few months, things can get pretty messed up as she was there.. all i can do is just sit in the corner waiting for ur call... at that moment if time, i felt like as if i was the third party... wen in the case you all have been separated for a year. that feeling i can never imagine i wen thru it. i remembered every night i was crying thinking if i should just forget about everything... indeed, as wert u told me, everything is much better now. but there are still times wen i felt insecure.

now, things happened again, i ever guessed that its causes from"green". how can u be defeated that easily? and there u hurted me again yesterday left me feeling useless and helpless... which u makes me felt completely hopeless.. no one can advise u to stand up strong if its not from urself. i cant guide u if u dun listen and accept it. however, no matter wert i ca only be thr to stand by u wen u fall to help u to stand back up.. but if u dun give me ur hand, how am i to help?

think about it......

As Far As I Concern, but yet its a Lil I know.

I am suppose to still be on the bed, and not on9 and doing blogging. I just somehow couldnt manage to go back to sleep right now, despite I am half awake and half asleep in front of the PC right now.

i have been thinking, thinking hard lately. what i have done wif the entire time I had for this 22 years.. Its a long road, but short time. on how much we have grow and yet, how little we know and we learn.

Its freaking me out sometimes wen i look back on the things i have been thru, how little loved I earned, how failure I was. however, everything happens for a reason. Not blaming or grinning over it. Just somehow felt blessed. Least its over and I have a better life now and ahead.

People can be immature at times, freaked and confused, but yet one day they will awake and found em' selves lying on the pace of green green grass, allowing the flow of stream wash and ease them away. That is wen, u grow up and moved on from junks.

Yesterday, Pooi Sin let me read something which freaked me out. Haiz, I am not sure if I should feel at ease. Somehow it bothers me. Alot things happened recently, I do not know how to explain. Worse of it is our job affecting us eh? Do u agree hardly on this? U finished work yesterday at 2am and now? U already in the office. meanwhile, i am at home doing nothing.

NO worries, few more months. I am not gonna work there anymore. Then we can arrange time to kai kai lor. Grandma is coming back from USA at OCT. I will be homeless again!!!! I am sure she is gonna sleep in my room. I miss grandma!!! WELCOME BACK!!! but grandma is too old to cook a dy. I dun wan them to cook for me cos i dun wan them to feel tired. Planning wen grandma is around den I can go back Penang bring Bopo down also lo.... Two OLD WOMAN should get together and relax. They have been tiring almost their entire life. Its time for them to rest and relax. Let this grand daughter serve u both. Weeeeeee~ that time can ask hubby bring me go buy food to cook. I shall prepare dinner!!! muahahahaha * evil laughter* CHEF CASS! presenting international food feast!!! Anyone wants to join??

Meanwhile, looking forward for Phui Leng to drop to KL, she says she wanted to do CNY shopphing in KL. lolx. I terbalik pulak. I wanted to do my shopping in Penang. I miss PENANG!!!

Wan to go back to bed and sleep,

allious,

Cass

Tiger here i come

Well, this year i am praying for a good year of health. as i have been falling sick 3 weeks str8 this month. however i am lucky enuf i have hubby accompany me.. hmmm.... thank you thank you

I am planning going back to school, kinda wanna rest for a year or so before i really get my arse back to business.. kinda tired holding tight to it...

i dun care i wanna study hard 1st...

hais, looking back the time i have been wasted. well, its time to run

GONNA FACE THE DAMN BRAND NEW YEAR OF TIGER WITH FULL ENERGY!!!!!!!!

yesh! i can do it!

Random Crap's

Last night having a pack schedule, 10 am to 6 pm working... however, i woke up late and was late to work.. so i reached thr around 11.15am finish work around 7 pm.. went to san and ate salmon sashimi, 2 piece of ikura, cawanmushi, and tendon.. ordered a glass of lemon juice. after dinner, I actually planned to go gym.. However, my back kept on aching till i cant stand straight..hmmm *sobbies* so i change my mind decided to go shopphing!!!!! weeee~ however, i dunno why i ended up in GYM. muahahaha... so i went on in gym around 1 and half hour... cal and evin came over and pick me up to Quattro... Haiyo, my back pain till i cant even dance just sit and move only...

I drank Coke and around 3 am hubby came and pick me up. went JLN PASAR for porrigde and dim sum.. yum yum~~ work at 11 am to 7 pm, GYM at 8 to 9.30pm and clubbing 11 to 3 am.... muahahaha...

Today woke up and den i keep on wanting huby to hug me tight tight.. hmm... wen to shower and went out at 3 pm.. wen for nando's after that wen to poke poke my back.. he make me feel like a helpless child. he grab me and bend me over and all i can hear is my bone... "crack..crack..." but now I am feeling better..

Hmmm... thought of going to KTV tonight.. but then if wait for Meow den will be pretty late.. Lazy to go out already, now waiting for hubby to come over and fetch me home to cheras~ weeee~~~

End of the YEAR of mooooo~

It comes to an end so soon.. 2009 is coming to an end... alot of things past within this year... hmmm...

how i grow older and wiser at work. how i got tired and restless from work. hmm, how i am in relationship and out. how i have finally let go of Irene. hmm, from trip to Australia and now I am looking forward for Bali and yeap Gold Coast..

I know Pooi Sin wanted to bring me to Bali so much. I know she loves the environment there. But then you dun have to. Well, I knw ur situation and how u wanted to give me the best. Knowing that u tried I already feel happy and I know u love me so.

U know, I never really introduce people to my mom letting her know tht is the person i am wif. Dear, u are 1st. *wink* and I am glad mom approve us.. weeee...

Its been the 1st time where no one is playing in the game of catch.. I dint chase u nor u chase me... muahahaha. just without knowing we are already being together and loving each other. Its funny to learn how we come together, but then I will treasure this moment forever. Cos no one makes me feel this way before. and I hope this gonna be the last...

Cheah Pooi Sin,

I am loving u each and everyday. lesser than tomoro but more than yesterday...muakssss

Neglected Blog, here i come!

for some reason i am too busy till i neglected my blog for a few months i believe? alot of things happened for some reason....

i rush MTV (muzik aktif) and its almost done...took a trip to Melbourne on the 22nd of Sept.

i will upload pictures and slowly explain and brief my each day activities soon, wen i have time to sit and really blog...

Hmm, beside the trip, yup broke up wif yuki. For some reason, i am really nt into this type of relationships.. i knw i hurt her. but its better then dragging her down the road and i found tht v never did understand each other.v never had the chance and time to.i can never get wert is on ur mind and u can nvr get mine too. perhaps, v shouldnt have started in the 1st place. should have just remains frens. tht would be better eh? well, of cos hoping and wishing she will be ready to accept me as a fren wen she meet me up next time. well, if thr is chances la...

I started to bleed again, hahax! but however, i felt much better wen i dun need to rely on meicine to go to sleep anymore. Pooi Sin kept being there to watch me and make sure i go to sleep before she does. hahax and den she complaint i snores!!!! eh hello~ u snore the loudest ok??!!!! none of us in the house can beat u!!!

I am glad she is always there beside me, smiling no matter wert mood i am into, no matter wert difficulties is buzzing around in and out my head. she always greet me wif a smile. makes me feel comfortable and loved. how can anyone replace the place of u in my heart? never know how important u meant to me.. weeee~ love u so much!

u raise me up~so i can stand on mountain, u raise me up so i can walk on stormy seas, i am strong wen i am on ur shoulders...u gave me strength to walk on rocky roads. held my hand wen things gets tough, smile at me wen i cried like a baby, watch me sleep wen i am insecure and nt at ease. how can i ever repay u?

hmmm.... talking about her now i am waiting for her to come back and bring me supper!!!!!! different shift, so sad!!!!!

now i wan to go shower, tomoro need to go to work again!!!!! i need some rest leh!!!!! 2 weeks down! no rest!

how much longer?

How much longer can a person stand due to her failure? fail to love someone and to get love in return? How much longer can sacrifices be make by a side and not both? how much longer will she get sick of it, knowing no matter how much she has sacrifices, its only empty hope she is getting?

It started wen the day they were together till the very end of it. or should i say its not the end yet? how can it be the end wen she struggle hard to let the relationship works out? she meet her today, and have a few moment wif her. she notice the ring that she wore on her hand isnt thr.. so izzit true she is not lying to her.. no one knows.. how can anyone knows wen their relationship in underground and cannot be seen in the crowd.. pardon me for saying not even, wen thy are alone in public... so how much longer will only u be awake? pardon me for saying, u refuse to let her go. but izzit true she is that important to u? if half of u urself dun trust her enuff... how deep is ur love for her u claime u r into her?

u work that hard.. yet u gave out ur money to her that easily.. i know that few hundreds isnt a big amount.. but u can do so much more wif it.. u claime u love her... but how much she loves u in return.. u know it.. but yet u refuse to wake up.. this is nightmare, not a sweet dream nor fairytales... nothing will comes with happy ending always...

u dun have much time to more.. make up ur mind.. if she is gonna be the love of ur life..

signing off,
ur shadow...

The worst or The Best?

Well, yesterday morning in the worst day ever... My car engine K.O.. something about the gear.. thy tune my engine too high up. so i was driving without pressing anything.. hmmm.... den later on at noon, I got involved in an accident.. a minor one.. but major damage to my car. cause my car door can be open.. so i have to climb from the other door to enter my car. swt... Tht stupiak indian guy reverse n den bang me... yet no apologise but then he scolded me. say why i park thr. idiot!!!! how cn u claim i park wen my engine isnt off and i dint even get down from my car yet.. arsehole!

later on, everything get smoother... went for a movie, den go shopping... later on at 7 pm! *wink * lucky me... get to shop for shower cap, moon cake and bread. aiyo thy look so cute plus delicious! yummy..

weeeeeeee.....

If loving u is about giving the whole soul of mine.. I am willing to do it.. I wouldnt climb the highest mountain nor swim the deepest ocean...But I will fly and carve ur name out of clouds to let people know ur name, the love of my life. I will explore the deepest cave till the center of the earth to burried my heart the and shall remain untouched from no others as U have touched mine and no one else would be able to tk the place but u..

I do love u very mush..u the love of my life.

life is fated the way it is....

Recently i have to work my ass off like hell.. 12 hours a day and 7 days a week. tht should be listed as labour torture. lolx. However, the feel and senses is coming back to me now. Before this I kept thinking what a director wanted my mtv to be.. this or that.. but now, i dun care anymore. It aint helping by thinking of what they wan and I cant do anything. So from now on, I will do things my way. My way of protreting the Music Clip to live. I know I can do it. I have to work hard in this.... I kinda accept the fact this is my life. My job. congrats to me. I finally admit it. I am married... to my job. bronze medals goes to me. I am running for silver and den gold!

Beside job, I feel tired myself. Mom got herself involve in acciedent. aunty Ivy and her wen to KL and on their way back, a stupid civic yellow and black wanted to over took them... hitted them and make their car ramp up to the divider and then tht car of tht stupid fellow turn 360 degree and acelerate and bang back my mom head to head... cause my mom enter HUKM. idiotic fellow. I dint know it till her fren called and ask " if u r going to visit ur mom?" I got shock tht time. I keep on asking wert happen to my mom. why do i have to go see her.. her fren kept insisting on not telling me. Damn tht time i feel so angry. I straight yelled at them. I am sorry. but then please understand. thats my mom.. one and only. don u think i have the right to know.. whether its good or bad.. mom also, please no matter wert how can u hide it from us... I would still know wen i reach home and see u not thr... I am not stupiak!!!

So far this few days i have been really tired, wif my hectic work loads, mom acciedent and sis sown with high fever. I have to tk care of everything... and I am feeling restless plus I think I am getting sick..lost my appetite. my eyes sore and as well as my mouth... it keeps bleeding which i dunno why. my spine is getting worst.. shit am i dying???

what worst more can attack me this week?? oh ya, plus realationship is wrecking... I know u are depress. i wish i could help. but wen i tell u wert u should do. u keen on staying on the decision u make for urself.. so wert do u wan me to say... i tried to console u by telling u to think ways differently. but all the while u only tell me... " go ahead and have fun wif ur frens" "its ok. don have to care about me" wth is all this.. pardon me for the languages... but then teach me wert can i do... all i can do i have done.. u are a big gal now.. u should know things better.. i dun wan wen ever i have to tell u wert to do.. yesh u can ask me for opionion. but ask urself wen have u listen to mine? wen u keen ondoing something u already went ahead. i already told u, this month it would be a rough road... i need to work hard...

so dear, please don give me anymore head ache or burden... i feel heavy enuf already. please dun give me the immature attitude which spoil brats does. u know we both having tough times now.. u say u urself would be very busy.. and says wanted time alone to finish of things.. yes i know u missed me... but then wen i dun reply doesnt mean i do it on purposely. u should know i am neither out of credit or away from phone... so please ok dear.... don throw the attitude like tht.

* hugs*

u big gal jor... should act like one.. muaks. u knw i have faith in u.. so u must continue to proceed to work harder on ur studies.. u promised me tht.. so dun break them.. if nt how are u gonna earn big money to feed me.. u should know I am very expensive Xp

Baby, I missed u..=(

This few weeks have been a tiring weeks for me. I have so many things and chaos to handle. Hais.. But then its not long and time r running short. 19th Sept 2009 or maybe earlier. I am going off to Australia..

1st month of spring.. weeee.... tempt will be around 20 to 25 cel.. i wonder how hot or cold can tht be.. sad na.. i wanted to experience wearing a snow cap all day long.... never mind i will have the chance.

1st destination, well of cos its the airport... muahaha, 2nd destination would be... hmmmm.... homie!!!! den do my stuff and den philip island... penguin penguin penguin...

However, i feel sad as well. I know whom I will miss. And definitely home sick... How can I bring the whole sunway togther wif me to Aussie?? hmmm.. if only i could... its okay.. what thy doesnt knw wont hurt...

I will only tell them last min before i fly la... I hope i am doing the right thing here

you are not alone~

Its been a long time i last wrote anything in here. Been pretty busy lately. Works, dogs, friends and gf.

How do love works? Can someone teach me? thy claim if u wana be wif someone. den be wif someone whom love u more then u love them.. but as the matter of fact, i felt tht is ridiculas plus its selfish. I prefer to be in love and be wif someone whom I love more den thy love me.

but i never thought it would be tht suffering. Seeing "Y" tht way, I am starting to think. Everything its not worth anymore. I tend to be afraid to have karma. but witout a deny i do love whom I love. Never did I once, even intend to hurt her or played her.

But then, hais its ok. I am nt having lubri for my brain tht seems nt working so well. So u are not alone~ whom feeling tht way. So wert even u love "K" tht much.. can she even feel it...

alious

cass

she is sad and I am heart broken

This is a story about a gal who named “Y”. after all she misses her so much. how in love could she be. to be wif someone who is older den her and most important tht gal is str8.

She honestly feel like crying out wen “K” finally nodded yes and though the relationship is being underground. But “Y” never feel ever happier den the way she is now. I can see tht spark in her eyes. She wakes up every morning, look into the mirror and tell herself to work harder everyday. she wants to earn more and more money to the extend whr she could buy anything to please “K”.

though “K” never did ask much, but then “Y” everyday taking sending her lunch as an excuse jst to see her lil angel for a few mins. wen she finally tk her guts to ask “K” did she loves her… “K” gave her a positive answer which “Y” long to hear for so long. she never knws tht answer kept her smiling thru the rain.

but then happy moment never always thr for her. “K” finally gives “Y” a cold shoulder again. “Y” did not knw where she did wrong.. She was hoping “K” would tell her.. but as usual, thr will be no reply.how can anything b so wrong wen they are okay a day ago..

“K” do u knw, she missed u alot till the extend where she dun feel like eating nor sleeping and keeping herself awake to receive msges from u.. she really loves u. miss u.

signing off,

Genesis